a one time offer

i still don’t understand how or why sometimes, but i know that you are changing me for the better – and sometimes you give me the gift of actually seeing that. my prayer tonight is that you increase that gift.

every once in a while, there’s that song.

“love | Reviewer: Dan | 5/4/09

My interpretation, on one level, is that the song is about the process of us sensing the loss of love to the mundane, rational and formal life and us striving to preserve childlike, innocent love, even when we are pulled in directions that move us away the natural and uncontrollable love we give as children. This comes full circle when we bring love (children) into the world ourselves and see this love again but from outside.

I agree that there’s no need to pull songs that you love apart, like I have done here. A song is an interval of time that we relate to thoughts and emotions. Radiohead are brilliant at conveying these beautiful intervals of time. Nothing more, nothing less. But this song makes me want to strive to be more childlike at times, to try to love unconditionally, and to learn to forget.”

everything feels temporary these days.

employers currently holding my application:

12

employers hiring:

8

interviews:

1

job offers:

0

and i keep moving.

i still like the name of my blog. i am still saved by the blood of Jesus. i still reach for the deeper meaning of things. i still know that the Holy Spirit is what binds us all together and gives us that ‘i know what you know’ feeling. even if you don’t believe it, it is. i still feel like i have not accomplished much, and that in the future that won’t change really. i like two and a half year olds. they’re really cute and curious and like you no matter what. well, if they think you’re cool i guess.

there are things in life…

that genuinely bring a smile in my face…

and those things* are all that matter sometimes.

they make everything else seem so small.

what if we all saw it that way? like all the time i mean. because seriously at the end of the day my accomplisments (or lately lack there of) don’t make a difference.

of course i’m specifically referencing my nephews. but of course i could also be vaguely describing faith.

I pictured it all

I know blogging is incredibly cliche, but I love it so much. I looked back on my blog from freshman year and it makes sense of the person I am today and maybe who I am in the works of becoming. Life is hard sometimes – this year has been one of the messiest, most confusing, complex, challenging and heart-wrenching years of my life. I hope I don’t have to go through one like it again. Anyways. I always feel at peace when I write. I like writing a lot. But I would probably never tell you that.

Somewhere along the way I realized that I was gradually becoming more of who I was, not losing something I can’t find anymore.

the day i will have spare time.

book list for the summer so far:

Sex God (finish)
Principles of the Path
Ruthless Trust (finish)
79 Short Essays on Design by Michael Beirut
The Life of Pi (then mail back to my friend I borrowed it from a year ago who lives in Austin TX)
Freakonomics (maybe)

definitely will be editing this along the way.

a lot of things.

busy. but not really. i don’t know how much i like all this work. it consumes me then i feel like at the end of the day i have accomplished absolutely nothing. i love it, but i hate it. so is life? so how can i love it more.

today was a very long day. so is tomorrow. and the next.

imaginary bullet points

today i learned that sometimes you don’t have to know where you are going. take these words lightly though because you might just end up at a walmart somewhere sketchy. (instructions: apply as metaphor to life)

also : eat at which wich. it’s probably one of the most unique and creative places i’ve eaten in a long time. not to mention in columbia.

Lord save me because tonight i thought to myself, “maybe God’s making me less shitty (keep in mind i didn’t actually say this i just thought it),” but that’s not the way to see it. God’s making me more beautiful.

i feel like maybe i should have made bullet points for this entry, but one last thing to leave you with: great music is what should make your heart beat faster and your hands tremble. that is all.